Russian Federation
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Population:
141,927,297 humans, minus an estimated 40-70,000 niggers
Ethnic Groups:
Russians, Turkics, Asians... 0.05% nigger!
Capital:
Moscow
Main Industries:
Oil, aerospace hardware, Communism, suicidal novelists
Languages:
Russian, 27 co-official languages

The history of niggers in Russia began when Tsar Peter the Great huffed a mushroom and decided to adopt a pet nigger from the Turkish slave market in 1704. Abram Petrovitch (son of Peter) became the first documented spearchucker in the Empire and the last nigger to live in the Kremlin without a bucket and a mop.

Two centuries later Tsar Nicholas II purchased two uppity-looking coons whose job was to stand at attention by his chamber doors night and day, wearing elaborate turbans and ceremonial swords and opening and closing to anyone in grandiose fashion.


Arguably a far worthier use for niggers in the early 1900s than the Americans had decided.

In 1917 the tsar and his wife, children, court physician, maid and pet dog were murdered and the Soviet Union was born. Communism, holding niggers in high regard as the oppressed laborers of Western capitalists, allowed their importation to begin in earnest.

The Soviets played no small hand in the disaster of decolonizing Apefreaka, managing to convince the niggers that they could control their own fate and giving them the weapons and training to do so. Tens of thousands of niggers flooded Soviet skoos on political scholarships. Ejucamation failed to help the niggers as rather than imparting with Russian science and technology they simply fired their simian brains with Communist "fuk YT, we beez oppressed an sheit" ideology and returned home more apelike and violent than before.

The Soviets were not completely insane, however. Africoons had a gubmint curfew at 8 pm, explaining the lack of niggerfuxation, and citizenship requirements were tightened as a noose around niggers so much so that after 90 years, Russia's nigger population remains smaller than Norway's.


Marxist nigger on a postage stamp, two years before the USSR collapsed.

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Privet, muhfuggas!

Differing somewhat from the above, today's Russian niggers live in constant fear in a country with at least one skinhead for every nigger. 50% of Moscow's nigger metro passengers reported getting physically attacked in the past, making the Moskovsky metropoliten one of the safest in the world for humans. To survive, niggers commonly avoid public transit and return to their huts, hoods or bridges by the old Soviet curfew of 8 pm. Getting called a "sagbo" or "chorniy" (nigger) is so commonplace that even most niggers don't report it.

Not that anybody in Russia would give a shit about niggers. Said one nigger in an article published in the Globe and Mail (Ebonics lost in translation):

"I run faster from the police than I do from the skinheads. Once I went to a police station to make a complaint, and the duty officer said: 'Why are you here, Mr. Nigger? We don't have any bananas here.'"



The number of niggers pursuing higher ejucamation in Russia has plummeted. Africoon "students" attracted to Russia's free universities (gibs me dat) now prefer to swim to Cuba or India instead. Predictably, most "prominent Afro-Russians" are feetsball and basketball niggers.

In short, Russia is one of the last countries in the world where being a nigger is very much something to hide. So if you need some time off from roving packs of wild niggers in New Africa, book your flight to Rossiya-Matushka and leave your pepper spray and stockwhip at home.