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  1. #1

    Default Crackhead Stories

    Post your best, favorite or craziest encounters with drug addled spooks here, whether they were high at the time, trying to get high, or merely acting so retarded they HAD to be high. I'll start:

    One night, I was sitting on my porch when I heard dogs barking in the distance, so I knew someone was coming down the former-decent neighborhood/then-and-still ghetto street. I heard some off-tune singing in the distance, then saw a dirty shuffling ape headed my way. So, here comes a crazy crackhead I'd seen around the neighborhood between jenkem-binges and time in the county pound. He was carrying..........an open box of generic fish fillets...and he starts his sales pitch:

    "Yo, what it is young-blood? I be sellin door to door..." (this was at around 3AM!) "....these fishes to get money so I can fix my grand mama car, so she can go to the froonera (funeral) of her brother...Man, I am dissprut an shit foe her to go...You gots fye dollaz?"

    The whole thing cracked me up, so I go in the house to get my friends to come and see this shit, keeping him there by telling him I was going back to get money. My friends and I returned to the porch, and in between busting up laughing, questioned him to the point where I thought he was going to chimp out on an EXTREME level! We asked him what kind of car his grandma had, what was wrong with it, where the funeral was, and so on and so on...Shockingly enough, he wasn't totally shook by the questions and bullshitted his way through answering them...THEN FINAL JEOPARDY ARRIVED...One of my friends asks, "So, how old was your great uncle?" Crackhead was like "WHO MUFUGGA?" My friend repeats, "Your great uncle?" There was a long silence as the crackhead stood there confused by an element of his lie...OUT OF THE BLUE HE STARTS COMPLETELY CHIMPING OUT! I MEAN LOOOOSING IT! He throws the box of fish fillets into the street, starts cussing at the top of his lungs, pounding the side of his head and jumping around screaming that we better give him "fye dolla!!!"....Headlights come around the corner and he panics, running off down the alley across the street from us, yelling that we "prolly called five-oh!!!" No, as far as I know it's not illegal to be a moron crackhead selling fish fillets at 3AM...The passing car was my neighbor...Needless to say, that was one crazy nigger that brought the whole 'hood a LOT of laughs...and LEGENDARY TALES OF CRACKHEAD KIND!

  2. #2


    What, not worth $5 of entertainment? If they can't buy dey drugs, dey can't be all funny n sheit.

  3. #3


    There used to be a nigger crackhead that lived in an apartment in the same building we lived in for a couple of years. It would shuffle down the street to the local IGA grocery store and steal steaks. I'd see it coming back with the packaged steaks under its arm and it wore a heavy black leather jacket....in August!!! That was his boosting jacket.

    It obviously had people who bought the steaks from it, because it was always going back and forth, to and from that store.


    One winter morning, Mr E went into a local convenience store to buy something, it was about 5:00 AM, and he had a few minutes before his bus arrived. A barefoot nigger ran into the store, all cracked up and wide-eyed, made a bee line for the counter, balanced itself against the counter and it started to wretch. The thing had the dry heaves. Mr E is a squeamish guy and he was just horrified.

    The clerk didn't like it, either. "Go outside and do that!" he barked at the nigger. Mr E said that the nigger did it, too. It ran outside, wretching, and leaned against the front window and wretched there.

    Bare feet in the middle of February. I hope its paws got nice and frostbitten!



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