Somali Cruises joke (let's improve it!)

[oprah]

This has been forwarded to me by several different people, and really it has so much potential. It just needs some editing and pictorial embellishment by the fine staff here. I think we could probably come up with a website and brochure. Seeing as the world hates niggers so much and SomaliNiggers in particular, I bet an enterprising scammer could actually make some money!

This is the version circulating, but it's way too PC to be funny:

was checking cruise lines because I heard the rates are very cheap right now.


I found a Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan ) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania ). The cost is a bit high @ 800 per person double occupancy but I didn't find that offensive. What I found encouraging and enlightened is that the cruise is encouraging people to bring their 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise.



If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master blacksmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days). All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.

$ 800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)


M-16 full auto rental $ 25.00/day ammo at 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing ammo at $15.95


AK -47 rifle @ No charge. ammo at 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball ammo at $14.95


Barrett M-107 .50 cal sniper riffle rental 55.00/day ammo at 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at 9.95


Crew members can double as spotters for 30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).


They even offer RPG's at 75 bucks and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads .


"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7pm-6am."

Meals are not included but seem reasonable.Most cruises offer a mini-bar... these gung ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this..... "MOUNTED MINIGUN AVAILABLE @ $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire". Sign my ars up!


They advertise group rates and corporate discounts...... and even claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY". They even offer a partial money back if not satisfied....here's some text from the ad.


"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money
back including gun rental charges and any unused ammo ( mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will
experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia . If an attempted Hijacking does not occur we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia . At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before May 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."


As if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, there were a few testimonials .


" I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'LL never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!"---- Lars , Hamburg Germany


"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12yr old son sank two rowboats with the
minigun. PIRATES 0 -PASSENGERS-32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English" Ned, Salt Lake city , Utah USA


"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got c lose to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty a im--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked u p from the motor pool back in Nam" --"chopper' Dan ----Toledo USA.


" Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one
wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.--- Zeke-Minnahaw Springs Kentucky USA

[Coonalingus]

Wow I'm in where the fuck do you sign up?

[oprah]

I'll start off.

Announcing: Safari Cruises in the Gulf of Aden
aboard the F/V Black Muvvuggah
Book now for the Summer Hunting Season



CRUISE THE INDIAN OCEAN WITH US AND BAG A NIGGER!
Special pre-introductory rates of $1500 per week. All inclusive: ground transportation by nigger-drawn rickshaw from the international airport at Mombasa to the F/V Black Muvvuggah, all meals, use of guns, all ammo plus all taxes, tags, a hunting license valid for the week of your cruise and a special how-to book that explains how to get a stuffed nigger head through customs.

The F/V Black Muvvuggah is captained by the most talented mercenaries money can buy and you're guaranteed at least 3 shooting opportunities. In addition we have staff that gets up early to set out decoys, including our newest collection of live shackled decoys we load fresh just before departing the port at Mombasa.

BELOW, staff gets up early to set the decoy line for Black Muvvuggah hunting guests. The bait immediately draws a greedy flock within gun range.



In addition to baited decoy lines, Black Muvvuggah is the ONLY area outfitter to offer the use of live shackled decoys. Outlawed in most Western countries, these have proven to be 100 percent effective at attracting game. They can also be gut shot at close range in case your own game is too badly damaged for the taxidermist to make a nice head mount.
BELOW: Live shackled decoys in Mombasa are happy to be excused from their piracy trials so they may be recycled for use of our hunters in the Gulf of Aden.


LAND VISITS AND LADIES For the ladies, and those a bit squeamish about exploding nigger heads, we offer a betting parlor with attractive odds on the outcome of several nigger lotteries pending in the U.S. and the U.K. We can also arrange stops in the scenic small ports along the lovely Somali coast, including Hardahare, Eyl and of course, the bustling and ever popular Mogadishu. Land hunting parties can be arranged.
BELOW: Our land hunting guides can get you close enough to your target that you can see the whites of his eyes.

[IMG]

[homeyh8r]

Good ol' Archie Bunker was a man of vision! As for the cruise line, let's not forget baiting money bags with lead weights & placing bets as to how far the niggers get with it before going down or letting the loot go. There should be grenades with a slingshot launcher for the kiddies to join in the fun & a free trip for anyone who takes out a dozen or more jigs.