Auntie Enmity - Chimpout's Answer to Ann Landers (Resurrected!)

[NigNinja]

Absolutely great! Now back to work on the mudshark sterilization beam.
Sent from my Windows 7.8 phone using Board Express

[Porch Monkey Hunter]

Styles of writing and grammar mistakes are similar, a big giveaway is the capitalization mistakes in question and answers. This has been written by the same person. Oh i see its a spoof lol i thought i was a real article!

[MulattObama]

Auntie Enmity clears up your confusion about lies, media, and race....

Dear Auntie Enmity:
There's this guy at work and he's soooooo hot and he keeps asking me out. He dresses real well and he can dance and stuff. All I my friends tell me I should date him, but my parents would get mad if they found because they're all prejudiced because he's black. Should I go out with him just to piss my parents off? They're so stupid because they voted for Romney and they need to be punished.
Signed, Curious in Cleveland

Dear Cleveland:
Or rather should I say Dear Deceased. I say go ahead and see exactly how wonderful Bojangles the Dancing Nigger really is after you have to drive him around in the car your parents gave you, pay for everything, and end up getting hooked on drugs and gang-raped by his friends. Once your prissy little white ass gets pregnant and then dumped by the well-dressed simian, no one will want to touch you and you'll have no choice but to date niggers the rest of your short and miserable life. Poverty, violence, STD's, arrests and an untimely horrible death are in your future - young lady - as well as that of your stupid Mudshark friends. Go ahead and fuck all the niggers you like, just don't come whining to me when your life goes all to shit!
Signed, Auntie

Now SHUT THE FUCK UP and go be a "Soon to be room temp" coal burner somewhere else.

End of story.

[WildTrout]

Styles of writing and grammar mistakes are similar, a big giveaway is the capitalization mistakes in question and answers. This has been written by the same person. Still a good read

You don't miss a trick do you PMH? Sheesh. We should implement some kind of standardized testing before we allow membership here.

[MulattObama]

Dear Daughter:
Or rather should I say Dear Deceased. I say go ahead and see exactly how wonderful Bojangles the Dancing Nigger really is after you have to drive "it" around in the car you worked so hard for at NigDonalds, pay for everything, and end up getting hooked on drugs and gang-raped by "its" friends. Once your prissy little white ass gets pregnant and then dumped by the well-dressed simian, no one will want to touch you and you'll have no choice but to date niggers the rest of your short and miserable life. Poverty, violence, STD's, arrests and an untimely horrible death are in your future - young lady - as well as that of your stupid Mudshark friends. Go ahead and fuck all the niggers you like, just don't come whining to me when your life goes all to shit!
Signed, Daddy

Print it and tape it to the dumb bitch's door

[Tuskegee]

Dear Cleveland:
Or rather should I say Dear Deceased. I say go ahead and see exactly how wonderful Bojangles the Dancing Nigger really is after you have to drive him around in the car your parents gave you, pay for everything, and end up getting hooked on drugs and gang-raped by his friends. Once your prissy little white ass gets pregnant and then dumped by the well-dressed simian, no one will want to touch you and you'll have no choice but to date niggers the rest of your short and miserable life. Poverty, violence, STD's, arrests and an untimely horrible death are in your future - young lady - as well as that of your stupid Mudshark friends. Go ahead and fuck all the niggers you like, just don't come whining to me when your life goes all to shit!
Signed, Auntie

[Shoogafoot Jones]

Me thinks if this is to be a regular coontribution, it might warrant a sticky...

Definitely have my vote for a sticky!

[Doc Johnson]

Auntie Enmity clears up your confusion about Lies, Media, and Race....

Dear Auntie Enmity:

Dayum gurl u so fine, u know u wanna be wit' me instead of dem punk azz white boys wit' dey small pink diks. When u be wit' a real man like me once gurl fo' sho' u gonna want more of dis black dik of mine, I make u scream fo' real, shorty, fo' realz.
Signed, Deez Nutz from Los Angeles

Dear Nutz:
Thanks for the offer, Mandingo - but no thanks. Unlike some other stupid females of my race, Auntie Enmity doesn't fork over her "fine thang", as you would put it, to niggers. As hard as it may be for you to comprehend (being that your IQ level is at least two standard deviations below that of us humans) a woman of my beauty and intellect has absolutely no desire to want to sleep with an evolutionary dead-end such as your filthy species. In my book a "Real Man" is one who holds a steady job, stays out of jail, pays his bills, supports his family, plans for the future, and doesn't pass along STD's to his partner. I seriously doubt that there is even one male member of your disgusting race on this planet that can pass that test - other than in those imaginary tales that Hollywood insists on foisting upon us. Simply put, the thought of sleeping with a stinking shitskin such as yourself makes me sick. If Auntie Enmity ever gets desperate enough to want to fuck a farm animal, she'll take her panties off and visit a Petting Zoo to fulfill her primal urges rather than bed down with some stupid knuckle-dragging chimpanzee such as yourself.
Signed, Auntie

[Lady Bastille]

Signed, Deez Nutz from Los Angeles

Holy Jesus. I laughed so hard at that shitskin's username. Deez Nuts. Oh my God I am so using that username for trolling runs.

[WildTrout]

Doc, if you'll pardon the expression,
"Yooz beez da maing."

Great humor here folks.