Oppressors can tyrannize only when they achieve a standing army, an enslaved press, and a disarmed populace. -- James Madison
Basketballs also make a good diversion. Just throw and watch them run after it. It's like a dog chasing a stick - involuntary.
Congrats! You're a Captain now! That's my next promotion.
What about bringing a portable anti-nog watermellon launcher to the battlefield? If the impact doesn't make 'em good, they will franticly be trying to eat the shrapnel, providing you with an opportunity to reload
How about a bucket full of rubber snakes?
Liberalism is a dangerous religious cult.
How about some blank employment applications. You can transport them in a bassinet.
"The Romans never allowed a trouble spot to remain simply to avoid going to war over it, because they knew that wars don't just go away, they are only postponed to someone else's advantage." - N. Machiavelli
"I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, German to my horse, but I don't speak with niggers." - Charles V, Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire
I think a few inflatable whit wimmins sex dolls to distract them while you are reloading.