Today started as it usually does, baby crying at 3AM, bottle, diaper change, back to the crib. I put on my cowboy coffee( beans boiled on stove) and got on niggermania. After the posts on liberal pukes, I was in a shitty mood. As usual I trudged off in the freezing cold to my shitty job.... I was prepared for another long shitty day. But things rapidly improved.
It became apparent pretty quickly to my boss that the new nigger was incapable of cooking after our last crazy night, (you guys can thank me later) So Ben has been assigned to just prep work in the mornings. (Yeah, his name is Ben, but because of that stupid fuckin rag he wears on his head, I call him Ben Laden... He doesn't care for that.)
Anyway, to continue. We have certain standards of quality and all meats come in large heavy duty plastic bags. If one is opened it must be re-sealed. The machine that does this is evil. Literally. I call it "jaws". Its a metal box about 2 feet square. At the front is a steel bar about 1/4" wide. There is a heating element on the underside of that and another just beneath fixed in place. You have to place the lips of the open bag between the top bar and the base and push a switch on the side. Now this thing doesn't just close, the fucker SLAMS shut. Hard. Now why in god's name anyone would design it like this is beyond me. Its called a VACMASTER, but it should be named 'Be careful or you will never play piano again asshole.'
We have experimented with it. It will snap a carrot in half, and once I cracked a pencil pretty good, and couldn't pull it out until the timer stopped and the bar snapped up. About 15 seconds. It had lovely scorch marks...
Well Ben the nigger had apparently not been listening when I gave him the tour his first day. I said "You have to watch out when you use this. Sometimes the bags are to short to rest on the counter and you MUST hold the bag up so the bar can seal it, and push the button with your other hand."
This morning I was in back grabbing a box of pasta. Dumb ass was sealing up bags of chicken and babbling to one of the wiggers about the "Tupac murder conspiracy" of all things. Well shit for brains wasn't paying attention and had two of his fingers too close to the bar... So he is yacking away in his niggerbabble and as I watch he is holding the bag of chicken breasts up to the bar and pushes the button with his other hand.....
Yep- SNAP!!!! Man, I haven't heard a nigger squeal like that in a long time. Shit, maybe never. Like I said, this goddamn machine is evil. That bar will NOT come up until the little timer inside releases it, not to mention the fact that his fingers were between 2 heating elements that were engaged in melting plastic. A normal human being responds to another in distress so I run over and grab his arm. Nigger is yelling his nappy head off. I am yanking on his wrist and this shit is not moving. About 7 or 8 seconds have passed and he is SHRIEKING in my ear "MOTHAFUCKA MOTHAFUCKA MOTHAFUCKA!"
Finally I gave it all I had and RIPPED his fingers out of the clamp. Oops! We left the last half-inch of skin of his fingers and one of his nails still sizzling stuck to the heating elements. Christ what a stink!
So Ben Laden went to Merit Care and I spent the rest of the day in fine spirits. My boss even gave me a free steak and a beer for "helping". From what the boss tells me, we are decommisioning 'jaws' because of the accident. I kind of want to take it home...
( Another classic from my NM days. I saw this nigger the other day, pulling a stroller with a niglet and his white bitch beside him.... (sigh)
Anchor SNB News Network "Living In Urban Nigger America" Riot Control and Forum Chaplain!
This nigger will be suing.
You, the corporation and the manufacturer
of the machine are responsible for the nigger
being a brainless turd. Niggers do not understand
such advanced technology, like this machine!
Niggers Are Only 13% Of The Population,
Yet Are Responsible For 51% Of All Homicides
Occuring In The United States
No man, that was last winter. He quit soon after and then I also told Applebees to go and fuck themselves. I never heard anything more about it. But as I recall, that nigger got hurt pretty regulary. Not just little nicks and blisters- but serious gashes and burns on his arms. He was a clumsy bastard, especially when it came to razor sharp objects or red hot metal.
Hopefully he will get a job in a saw mill or a foundry..... HA!