Location: Western Africa
Capital: Abuja (largest city is Lagos)
Ethnic Groups: Hausa and Fulani 29%, Yoruba 21%, Igbo 18%,
Ija...ah, fuck it,they're all just a bunch of coons anyway!
Main Industries: Petroleum, 419 scams, ripping off missionaries
Population below poverty line: 70% (that's all?)
GDP (Total): $191.4 billion (ranked 47th)
GDP (Per Capita): $1,500 (ranked 165th)
Take a bunch of savage apes, colonize them, draw some
arbitrary borders around them, call it a country and then give it its
independence. What do you have? Fucking Nigeria. The flaming
train wreck now known as Nigeria, (moar like Niggeria, amirite?)
was the home of the Nok coons around the time of Egyptian
civilization. Over the centuries, other tribes of savages came
to inhabit the area, such as the Kano, Katsina, Hausa and
Yoruba. The southern part of the country was mostly inhabited
by the Igbo, possibly starting around the 11th century AD. None
of these cultures produced anything of note, other than some
crappy sculptures and maybe some spears and assorted junk.
The Portuguese were the first to explore what is now Nigeria,
but eventually the British took over, starting in 1885. In 1960,
the British said "Fuck this sheeet!!" and gave Niggeria its
independence. Things would steadily go downhill from there.
The Igbos in the southern part of the country decided to
secede, sparking the Biafran War, which began in 1967 when
the ape government attacked the newly independent Republic of
Biafra. The TNB which occured during this war horrified the
entire world. Pictures of starving Biafran children saddened
gullible humans the world over. The war ended in 1970, with
Biafra defeated and re-annexed to Nigeria. Most human nations
decided to support Nigeria (both the US and USSR did), mostly
because they wanted to make sure they could continue to get
Nigeria's delicious petroleum.
Your typical Nigerian ape.
The last four decades since the war have been characterized
by appalling economic mismanagement (despite Nigeria having
gigantic oil reserves which generate billions of dollars),
extremely repressive governments and military dictatorships,
bloody fighting between ethnic and religious groups (the north
is largely Muslim), violence, crime, disease and general
monkeyshines. Speaking of which, a fellow Chimpout member,
I_lubs_me_sum_jenkem, has been to Nigeria and was kind enough
to share a horrifying story of coontact from when he and his
missionary family arrived at the airport in the "city" of Lagos:
When we arrived in Lagos, we were separated from the other
passengers, our belongings were rifled through, and were were
told to be quiet about everything. We had cameras, watches,
gifts, Id's, medicines, passports, rings and jewelry confiscated.
And they were NOT nice about how they took the things.
They put everything into a bin and took it in the back to look
Meanwhile we were not allowed to leave the holding area. Not
even allowed to use the bathroom or get a drink of water.
We tried protesting but when they had machine guns, and
we didn't it was a bit futile. After about an hour they came
back out, grabbed all of our luggage and took it into the back.
Now we were starting to get angry and curious. After another
hour (maybe), they came back and told us they wanted $5,000
American CASH to get our things back. If we didn't pay, we
would not be allowed to enter the country and would be put in
jail for smuggling.
My father demanded that we be allowed to call the embassy,
and surprisingly they allowed it. My father explained the
situation and they sent someone down. Now, we have been
in the airport holding rooms for probably 4 hours at this point
and we were NOT happy. My mom and sister had started
their periods and were in desperate need of using the facilities,
but that wasn't allowed. Fucking animals made them change
right there in plain sight of everyone. By the time our liaison
came down from the embassy and got to us, we were
exhausted and pissed off. He got some of our stuff back,
and none of our money back. It was the price we paid for
going there and trying to help them. We lost cameras,
watches and jewelry and cash, and we hadn't stepped
outside the airport yet.
Other comments I_lubs_me_sum_jenkem contributed regarding
general conditions in this Afreakan hellhole:
The food in Nigeria is DISGUSTING. Sanitation is almost
non existent, and washing dishes, pots, pans, etc., meant
drawing water and throwing everything into a plastic tub and
wiping it down. No hot water, no soap, no rinsing. A great
recipe for all kinds of diseases being spread...
Also during the recent Beijing Olympics, Niggerian athletes
provided many lulz, such as when their sheboon weightlifter
cracked under the pressure and walked away from a barbell
in tears, and when the dumbass track and field relay team
dropped a baton in mid-race (this, however, was overshadowed
by the nigger American team doing the same thing at almost the
same time). Nigeria is also well-known as being the capital
of 419 scams, in which some ape will send spam e-mail proposing
some business deal in which the recipient can make tons of
dough...if he'll only send a bunch of money to Monkeyland
first. Some smart humans have turned the tables on the
scamming niggers and made them humilliate themselves with
promises of money they will never get. See the excellent
site 419eater.com for some pictures of nigger pwnage.
In conclusion, Nigeria is a lot like basically any other
nigger coontry; scary, filthy, violent and dysfunctional.
Avoid at all costs.