Eros revisited

[Odin88]

I have long been a fan of both science fiction and horror. Especially when the two genres are combined. A while back I had a terrifying dream that gave rise to the idea of a science fiction story that included the elements of my dream. I believe I posted the first draft somewhere here before. I went back and re-read it and realized it sucked. I have re worked it and think that this version of the introduction is a bit more polished, but I still need to "pop the hood and do some fine tuning".

The dream itself was surreal and terrifying. In it, I was on another planet and up to my neck in a pool of thick and viscous brownish green fluid. With me in the pool was a creature which appeared to be a large snake or root that was both plant and animal. She had one large sapphire blue eye with no pupil and a small mouth. She would come to me and whisper, "My love...." and then bite off a piece of my face or other body parts and eat them, all the while whispering, "my love..." The fluid I was in somehow kept me alive and I did not age and could not die. The parts of me that she ate would immediately begin growing back The feeling of utter horror stayed with me even I after I woke up covered in sweat. I wrote down the dream and thought it would be a very twisted part of a science fiction story. That afternoon I wrote the first introduction to "Eros" The following is the new one. I've always been intrigued by scifi stories like "Alien" and things of that nature. Space and the idea of space travel is fascinating, but the darker side to humanity and life is equally interesting. Combining the two makes for good reading. So tell me what you think of the new beginning to Eros. I aiin't crazy about it, but I'll get it.


Introduction


The planet orbited her sun slowly. She lay along the outer rim of her galaxy, lonely and unknown save for the various forms of life that had sprung from her womb. A vast nebula of brilliant violets and reds hung like a tapestry decorating the endless black wall in the direction of the galactic core. The stars here were sparse, and blackness dominated the sky, sprinkled here and there with the pinpoints of light that were other stars.

The planet itself was a riot of green, her surface dominated by vast tracks of foliage and jungle. Laying in stark contrast to the verdant surface were her two small ice caps at either pole, a large ocean on her western hemisphere and thousands and thousands of lakes and swamps. Otherwise she resembled a large green fruit hanging in space mottled in the various hues of that color.

Nature paints her own portrait. She does not require the artifice or assistance of her creations. An intrusion into this perfection hung a few hundred miles above the planet.

A metallic sphere orbited the planet. Arrayed around it’s sides were 4 large glass panels, sticking out like the blades of a windmill. Their black surfaces drank in the light of the nearby star, powering the systems of the satellite. Like a mother’s milk, they gave it life. An adopted child, but one well cared for.

The sphere’s instruments were trained on the surface of the planet. Scanning for the content of the atmosphere, climate and life forms, it relayed the data back to the home system or ship which had sent it. Presently, it’s orbit took it above the densely vegetated area along the planet’s equator. A small electric hiccup in it’s programming caused a secondary system to be activated. Small jets of gas spurted from it’s sides and the sphere paused in it’s orbit. It maintained a stationary orbit above the equator, all of it’s sensors trained upon a single area. Its positronic brain was puzzled and it continued to scan, a new variable never encountered by it’s programming had caused it to pause. It hummed quietly to itself while the data was processed.

After several moments, the probe extinguished it’s manuevering jets and continued on it’s path. Billions of bits of data were being streamed back to the ship which had launched it. Among those countless electrons was a small encoded message……



Chapter One:
Jonas

The U.S.S Eros disengaged her main engines and she dropped to sub-light speed. An observer in the immediate vicinity would have seen nothing but the darkness of space sprinkled with stars suddenly filled with a half-mile of starship appear before him. The “Jameson Drive”, named after it’s inventor, operated by enfolding the ship in an intense gravitational field, thereby warping space-time and literally pushing the object out of reality. With the main drive engaged, the ship could be accelerated at an exponential rate through “sub-space”, an area in which the Einsteinian laws of relativity did not apply and the former unbreakable barrier of the speed of light could be conquered.

With the drive engaged, the ship literally did not exist in this plane. To an outside observer, nothing could be seen. Once she had to dropped to a speed less than that of light, she re-entered normal space.

Few lights adorned her massive hull. A few hundred portholes blazed with tiny brilliance along her flanks, blue running lights dotted her bow and stern, but other than that, she was a grey behemoth drifting amongst the stars, silent and dark. At better than a half mile long, 1000 feet tall from keel to bridge and over 400 yards across, she was the largest military vessel of the United Systems fleet. She was manned by just over 3,000 personnel including a contingent of 1,500 Fleet Marines. Her mission was war, but with her contingent of 300 scientists and xenobiologists on board, she was also called upon to perform research and exploration assignments from time to time. Far out here in the Rim, most systems lay unexplored. And with resources running short to feed the monstrous appetite of the United System and it’s war with the multiple rogue systems near the galactic core, any opportunity to keep the advantage could not be overlooked.

[chadc]

You have some seriously good writing skills sir!

I really like the setting too, I have always been a fan of space scifi / cyberpunk.

I also like how much detail you go into about the spacecraft, really painting a vivid picture for the reader. The writing style is almost simlar to Gibson, Only less abstract.

[Odin88]

Thanks for the compliment, but I haven't really buckled down and written seriously in years. Pretty "rusty" as the saying goes. (Until April, I was busy drinking myself to death:lol) I think that with a few more months of practice and finding my rhythm again, my writing should smooth out and I won't have to continually second-guess everything I write and won't find so many discrepancies. The stories sound great in my head while I'm laying in bed at night, but I still need to develop that seamless "flow" that seasoned writers are capable of. I am no writer. just a guy who would like to be one eventually. I have a very small measure of talent, a unique imagination, but almost no practical experience in writing professionally.

My fiance reads most of my work and always says, "Honey, this is incredible!" To which I reply, "Sweetheart, I appreciate that, but until Random House, Doubleday or Tor pay me thousands of dollars for one of my manuscripts, its all crap in my opinion."

I'll keep at it until I sell a novel. Once that happens, I will actually have real faith that I can do this. Until then, I'm just another guy trying to plot some way to avoid actual work for the rest of his life and get paid absurd amounts of money for playing around in his imagination for a few hours a day...:lol Wish me luck!

[Miss Ann]

I've always like sci fi novels by Philip K Dick, could check him out for some inspiration or insights into the genre :)

[Odin88]

The tenuous peace with the core systems was once again at a standstill and the Eros had been re- assigned to six months Rim patrol. Most of the crew had sighed with relief when the orders had come through. 6 months without battle, without death and without 14 hour duty shifts while on combat patrol. A full half-cycle of Rim duty was a welcome change.
The rear of the room were banks of monitors, science stations and the doors of the 3 lifts that could carry personnel to any part of the vessel. The bulkheads swept around the room in a graceful arc, joining at the front of the room which was dominated by 5 huge view screens. On the spacious floor of the bridge were 2 rows of telemetry stations, both following the same degree of arc as the walls. 20 navigational officers, weapons specialists and a Senior Helmsman sat before their various screens and readouts, fingers tapping constantly on the smooth pads. The Officer of the Deck strolled behind them each in turn, briefly glancing at their screens. He would stop at the occasional station, either nodding and moving on, or bending and speaking briefly to his subordinate who would snap a crisp, “Aye, Sir!”, and bend back to his screen, tapping quickly.

Officer of the Deck Major Mason finished his rounds and walked to the small inset in the wall at the side of the room. “Coffee, black.” There was a brief hum and a moment later a small door slid open and a tray slid out holding a small mug of steaming liquid. He then walked to the front of the room. He did enjoy looking out of the central view screen. The forward 600 feet of the Eros stretched out before him, and beyond that, the stars and infinity. He felt powerful when he did this, as though he were the Emperor of all the universe. He heard a small chirp behind him but ignored it. He recognized it as yet another incoming data relay from one of their 3 dozen deep-space probes. It would be the same old tiresome and trivial reports. This planet or that planet had traces of iron, or some other metals. Atmosphere composed of such and such…. After 2 months, it all grew so old and routine. He missed the excitement and glory of battle, and would be glad when this mission was over. They were out here to search for the one substance that the Jameson Drives of all Fleet vessels relied upon: noridium. The element had been discovered 200 years before and within it’s molecules lay more potential energy than in several tons of any other radioactive material known. A single ounce of noridium could power a vessel the size of the Eros including her main drive for upwards of a decade. But with nearly 35,000 ships in the United Systems main battle fleet, the substance was in constant demand and always in short supply.

The Eros had been out on patrol for 2 months and had received data from 3 dozen of their probes around as many planets. So far they had been unsuccessful.

From behind him he heard an excited voice,” Major Sir!” Mason turned from his view with reluctance. Helmsman Jonas was on his feet, his face pale. “Well, Helmsman, what is it?” he asked impatiently. “Sir, I think you need to see this Sir.”

Mason sighed and strode over to the console and bent down. He studied the readout for a moment and the blood drained from his face. His mug of coffee fell from his hand and shattered on the plasteel deck, but no one took notice. He slowly straightened and stared at Jonas who was grinning. He swallowed and said quietly, “ Get the Captain.”


………………………………...................................... ..........
The officer’s quarters on the Eros were located a deck below the bridge. The lift opened and Jonas stepped out into the hundred yard long corridor. Captain Spaulding’s private suite of rooms were immediately to the right of the lift. The plates of the deck were carpeted in the emerald green of the United Systems battle flag. The banners of all 131 worlds were equally spaced down the long hall. Hanging next to the Captain’s door in a place of prominence was a jade green banner with a large silver Thor’s Hammer in the center with crossed swords behind it; the banner of Old Terra. He felt no special attachment to Earth. He had been born on Mars and had only been there once on a vacation to see the ruins of the North American continent.

He strode to the panel next to the door and tapped it twice. A small chime could be heard and a few moments later a quiet voice said, “Speak.”

“Senior Helmsman Jonas Sir. I apologize for disturbing you Sir, but Major Mason requests your immediate presence on the bridge. We have received a data stream from one of our outlying probes.”

There was silence for a moment and then, “Yes?”
Jonas said, “Noridium Captain. Located in a Rim system, Delta Quadrant.”
Unable to keep the excitement from his voice he added, “The data indicates that this may be the largest known deposit ever discovered.”

The speaker went silent and the door slid up into it’s recess. The Captain stared up at him from his lower vantage. It was a sight that many found hard to get used to. Captain Spaulding had lost the lower half of his body and the right side of his face in a plasma rupture as a young lieutenant. His torso was attached to what appeared to be a small tank equipped with rubber treads. The left side of his face was normal and even handsome, but the other half was a dull metal surrounded by a mass of twisted scar tissue. His right eye bore no resemblance to a human organ. In contrast to his sky-blue left eye, the right was a cybernetic implant. The cold black lens with it’s red pupil seemed to drill through him.

Half machine though he may have been, the Captain bore the demeanor of a man undaunted by any challenge and his iron will commanded both the fear and respect of his crew. His temper was fierce and his discipline harsh and immediate.

Jonas stepped back and saluted. The Captain asked, “Is this data accurate?” Jonas nodded. “ A confirmation order has already been relayed to our probe Sir, and a report has been encrypted and sent to Fleet Command Captain.”

Captain Spaulding was silent for a moment. Jonas gestured towards the lift door. “Right this way Sir.” The Captain had already begun rolling towards the entrance. He stopped and his torso spun around on it’s metal base. The red dot that was his eye glared at the Helmsman. He said quietly, “I am well aware of where my bridge is located Helmsman Jonas.” The voice was cold. Jonas felt a small bead of sweat slide down his cheek. He snapped to attention so abruptly that his spine crackled. He saluted smartly and stared at an area just above the Captain’s head. “Aye, Sir! Of course Sir!” Spaulding stared at him a moment longer and then swiveled around again, his rubber treads whirring on the carpeted deck. Jonas sighed with relief and followed his Captain. To insult or even display insolence to the Captain of a United Systems warship was punishable by flogging in front of the entire crew in the launch hangar. If the offense was deemed serious enough, one could expect to be summarily flogged- and then ejected out of the nearest airlock.

He stepped into the lift and stood at attention, staring at the bulkhead in front of him, still shaken by the glare of that red dot….. Captain Spaulding was quiet as the lift carried them upwards to the bridge. He said to himself, “Noridium…..’ Jonas remained silent. It was always best not to push your luck. “A Rim system you say? Way the hell out in Delta?”

Jonas swallowed and spoke mechanically, “Aye Sir. That is the data we received from our probe. Our current position is approximately 13 parsecs from the system in question.” He offered no more. The Captain would ask what he wished to know.

The lift door opened and Jonas stood aside at attention as the Captain. Rolled out onto his bridge. Major Mason glanced up from the console he had been studying and yelled, “Attention on deck!” 34 crewmen snapped to rigid attention as their Captain rolled over to the Major.

“What have we got Charles?”, the Captain asked. Major Mason said crisply, “ I assume that the Helmsman has briefly informed you of the information we received from one of our deep field probes. As best we know, Sir, that data is accurate. And just now Captain, we have received orders directly from Fleet Command on Terra.”

He tapped a panel on the console next to him. The screen

[Odin88]

Yeah, it sucks, but practice makes perfect. I banged this crap out in 15 minutes. It is unpolished and needs an overhaul, but shit, what else do I have to do with my time after work?