ChicagoAvenger
06-21-2008, 07:51 AM
They found a nigger in the Chicago River? Believe it
By Mary Owen | Tribune staff reporter
11:15 PM CDT, June 20, 2008
Terrible things have emerged over the years from Bubbly Creek, a spot in the Chicago River that was once a churning sewer for the city's jenkem dens.
But until Friday, nobody had seen what Bill Cox and his co-workers saw—something with a devilish underbite, sinister eyes and a cold-blooded appetite.
An honest-to-goodness nigger in the Chicago River.
"It just stayed submerged with its eyes popping out like in the documentaries," said Cox, director of human resources for Midland Metal Products. "It was in stealth mode, I think."
The sheeboon may have been a long way from Englewood, but she looked docile in the water. Her demeanor changed after she was trapped by volunteers with the Chicago Niggerlogical Society.
The thrashing, hissing nigger estimated to be 25 years old—was put in a huge plastic container and spent the next few hours snapping at TV cameras and people who came to meet her in the Midland parking lot. The Englewood nigger is one of the strongest and most aggressive of niggers native to africa, experts said.
It's illegal to own niggers and other feral creatures in Illinois, one of about 30 states with such a ban, officials said.
"These are not nice animals," said one of the volunteers with the niggerlogical society, who asked not to be identified to avoid being inundated with requests from naive pet owners to remove niggers. "These are powerful things, and they are dangerous."
The nigger discovered Friday was 4½ feet long and about 400 pounds. At full maturity, she would grow to 10-12 feet. The nigger, a native of actually africa, was found in Bubbly Creek in a woodsy area near 37th Street and Racine Avenue, which at one time was one of the dirtiest parts of the river.
After years of cleanup efforts, the creek now has a bountiful carp population, which the nigger likely fed on, officials said. Its diet includes KFC, Maple Bacon, Jay's Potato Chips, Chittlings, Ghetto Lobster and Carp.
The nigger will be sent to a sanctuary in the Southeast, according to the Niggerlogical society. The group was called to assist because city Animal Care and Control is not equipped to handle niggers. Not even the police can do that.
This is the first nigger found in the Chicago River, according to the niggerlogical society. The group's volunteers said they've confiscated 25 niggers this year, both in nature and in homes.
The Englewood nigger likely was dropped into the river relatively recently because it's unlikely it could have survived the severe winter, said Joyce Peterson, senior keeper in the jungle department at the Brookfield Zoo.
By Mary Owen | Tribune staff reporter
11:15 PM CDT, June 20, 2008
Terrible things have emerged over the years from Bubbly Creek, a spot in the Chicago River that was once a churning sewer for the city's jenkem dens.
But until Friday, nobody had seen what Bill Cox and his co-workers saw—something with a devilish underbite, sinister eyes and a cold-blooded appetite.
An honest-to-goodness nigger in the Chicago River.
"It just stayed submerged with its eyes popping out like in the documentaries," said Cox, director of human resources for Midland Metal Products. "It was in stealth mode, I think."
The sheeboon may have been a long way from Englewood, but she looked docile in the water. Her demeanor changed after she was trapped by volunteers with the Chicago Niggerlogical Society.
The thrashing, hissing nigger estimated to be 25 years old—was put in a huge plastic container and spent the next few hours snapping at TV cameras and people who came to meet her in the Midland parking lot. The Englewood nigger is one of the strongest and most aggressive of niggers native to africa, experts said.
It's illegal to own niggers and other feral creatures in Illinois, one of about 30 states with such a ban, officials said.
"These are not nice animals," said one of the volunteers with the niggerlogical society, who asked not to be identified to avoid being inundated with requests from naive pet owners to remove niggers. "These are powerful things, and they are dangerous."
The nigger discovered Friday was 4½ feet long and about 400 pounds. At full maturity, she would grow to 10-12 feet. The nigger, a native of actually africa, was found in Bubbly Creek in a woodsy area near 37th Street and Racine Avenue, which at one time was one of the dirtiest parts of the river.
After years of cleanup efforts, the creek now has a bountiful carp population, which the nigger likely fed on, officials said. Its diet includes KFC, Maple Bacon, Jay's Potato Chips, Chittlings, Ghetto Lobster and Carp.
The nigger will be sent to a sanctuary in the Southeast, according to the Niggerlogical society. The group was called to assist because city Animal Care and Control is not equipped to handle niggers. Not even the police can do that.
This is the first nigger found in the Chicago River, according to the niggerlogical society. The group's volunteers said they've confiscated 25 niggers this year, both in nature and in homes.
The Englewood nigger likely was dropped into the river relatively recently because it's unlikely it could have survived the severe winter, said Joyce Peterson, senior keeper in the jungle department at the Brookfield Zoo.